Tag Archives: random ramblings

Things we need to quit saying as parents

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Since the title is pretty self-explanatory, I think we should just jump right into this list:

  • I don’t care – You do care. Yes, their timing is probably off (sorry kid, waking me out of a dead sleep at 3am to discuss the reasons why Pluto should be a planet again, isn’t exactly the ideal conditions for this discussion). So, I encourage you to strike the phrase entirely from your vocab. I try to use, “Now is not the time but I’d be glad to listen in a minute/ after breakfast/during lunch/etc.
  • ¬†Can’t – Can’t is an unacceptable word in our house. Nothing gets me down more than hearing one of my kids say, “I can’t do this!” Or being teased by their sibling, “Haha, you can’t do it!” Ugh. I make them say, “I’ll try it!” Instead. And if they struggle, then we say, “This is really hard, but I’ll keep trying” or “This is really hard, could I have help please?” I don’t want my kids thinking they can’t do things, just because they have this negative language. And don’t think this means I don’t believe in the word “no,” because I absolutely do. No, I just want them to try things and learn from their mistakes rather than just saying, “I can’t do that” and never trying.
  • Stupid – We try to say “silly” instead. I have yet to find a situation in which it’s appropriate for anyone, at any age, to call someone else stupid or dumb. Or for them to be called stupid or dumb. They’re not going to always be the smartest, the fastest, the prettiest, the bravest, etc etc. but when you are trying and learning, there is nothing stupid or dumb about that.
  • Perfect – No one is perfect. I don’t tell my kids they are perfect, and I certainly don’t tell them that I or their father are perfect. Everyone has flaws, everyone has strengths. Everyone has goals, everyone has fears. There is no perfect job, class, car, hobby, or pet. We need to encourage others in their flaws and fears and celebrate their goals and strengths. Practice does not make perfect, practice makes permanent. “Practice like you’ve never won, and perform like you’ve never lost.”
  • Hate – There are only a few things in this world that should be hated. Cancer, crimes against the innocent, and the Yankees. Hating someone for having a different sexual orientation, their skin color/heritage, their religious preference (or lack thereof), and anything else like that? No. Never okay. You can disagree with them. You can not like their choices and not make those choices for yourself. But there is never a good reason to hate someone or something. You can not like it and move on. Don’t waste your time and energy on something or someone negative, all of that can be put into positive things. Except the Yankees, fuck them, there’s no positive spin to that one. ūüėČ
  • Be/Just like – “Why can’t you be quiet like your sister?” “Why don’t you just study like your friend?” Well, because they are not anyone else. Copying someone else is not what I want my kids to do, even if their friends are “more” at something than they are. Be the best version of yourself, because that’s better than a copy of someone else.

What are your thoughts? What words have you gotten rid of from your vocabulary?

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7 Realities You Need to Face When Naming Your Child After an Athlete

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I found out I was pregnant with my first child in May of 2011. Detroit Tigers baseball was back with a vengeance, and I was faced with trying to come up with a name for the tiny person I was about to bring into the world. I didn’t originally intend for my daughter to be named after an athlete – specifically a baseball player – but it just so happened to work out that way. Well, now here we are about to start the 2016 season and the Tiger my daughter was named after was traded. TRADED. So, that got me to thinking…

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  1. Your player could get traded. Unless you Yankee fans¬†named your child Jeter at any point before his retirement, this is something you have to accept. Though, the thought never crossed my mind when I settled on Avila (a la Alex Avila) that he could possibly be traded. And to the Chicago White Sox of all people. Geez. He could’ve at least went to the Cubs and not a division rival. Oh well, at least it’s not the Yankees.alexavilanewyorkyankeesvdetroittigersbufrlefz50_l
  2. Your player may be having¬†a fluke season. Alex Avila had an okay 2012, and a crappy 2013. I absolutely got ridiculed by friends, family, and random Tigers fans when they would hear my daughter’s name. “Avila? Tell him to start swinging that bat and actually hitting the ball!” Me: “Yeah, I don’t think you’re understanding which Avila I actually have¬†some control over, but okay random sir, trust me when I say that I absolutely feel your pain.”130807085043-01-alex-rodriguez-0807-horizontal-large-gallery[1].jpg
  3. Your player may be found out to be a cheater/liar/some how a bad person. Not that I’d ever understand why someone would name their kid after him in the first place, but¬†I really feel for the ones that named a child after Alex Rodriguez for example. Even though he’s a Yankee, Derek Jeter was a very classy man on and off the field, so being associated with him isn’t a bad thing.
    However, you can’t foresee what someone is going to do in the future, and what exactly you consider to be “bad,” but think carefully about their quality of character both on and off the field.DerekJeter
  4. They may stop playing their sport all together, or get demoted so far down you don’t ever hear about them anymore. Even though Jeter is a legend, and avid baseball fans could absolutely still use it at any point for their children, I have a friend whom named her son Brandon Inge. Shortly after her Brandon’s second birthday, the long-time¬†Tiger was traded away to Oakland. From there he had a shaky career and was then traded again. I lost track of him after that, but according to my friend he was demoted to his last team’s AA and AAA leagues and rarely heard from again, especially since he wasn’t in Michigan anymore.beck-articlelarge
  5. Your child might not even like the sport your player plays, let alone the player. Perhaps they like a different player on that team, or even a different team. Obviously I love baseball, and so Avila’s name is legitimately something near and dear to my heart.¬†And of course Avila¬†claims to like basketball. No matter how excited¬†I try to get her about baseball, she would rather have me sign her up to play basketball. We are going to go to a Tigers versus White Sox game this summer as a family, but she’d probably rather go see the Pistons. Which,¬†yeah, she’s gonna have to talk Matt¬†into because I just can’t sit through a basketball game.¬†Well, anyway, the point is¬†that¬†right now, she really doesn’t care¬†about baseball or Alex¬†Avila. She knows she’s named after a baseball player though, so there’s that at least I suppose.panoramica_de_avila_con_la_muralla_2null
  6. People may not “get” that it’s an athlete name. We are Detroit Tigers fans that live in Michigan. I’m seriously surprised as to¬†how many people DO NOT “get” Avila’s name, or how to pronounce it, or anything. There have been two people in her lifetime that have pronounced it correctly on the first try: A social worker from the Autism Center that is a huge baseball fan, and actor Stephen Amell during our Chicago adventure (whom is also a huge baseball fan). Though, most often if people are commenting on her name, it’s to tell me how beautiful/unique/interesting it is and how did I ever find something so pretty. My response, “Uh, I was watching a baseball game, Alex Avila came up to bat, and I had just said I wanted a name that started and ended with ‘A.’ Then he hit a home run. Boom. Avila.”divided
  7. They’ll end up marrying or befriending someone that is named or a fan of a rival team/player. My luck Avila is going to end up marrying someone/having a forever friend named Jeter. Just because I “jinxed” us in that sense. Perhaps it’d be like my friend’s situation; she’s a¬†Jewish Red Sox fan and she married a Christian Yankees fan. When they had their kids, they “compromised” and are raising¬†them as Jewish Yankees fans… Which, I told her she got a bad deal on the baseball part and her husband should totally hand over all naming rights to her or something.¬†I would have busted out some Bibles or something because I couldn’t ever raise my kids as Yankees fans. So I applaud all of you that do. Then again, there’s always the possibility of marrying/friending a family that’s really into a different sport. Maybe they’ll be more into football, or hockey, or God forbid, basketball. ūüėČ

So, those are a few things to think about if you’re considering an athlete-inspired¬† name. I know I only have experience with baseball specifically, but I’d imagine it holds true for any sport. Obviously, I think you should essentially do whatever you think is best for your child, and your family, but I thought those were a few interesting things I’ve found so far on my Avila’s journey.

 

 

The first post is always the deepest…

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OK, first off, if you are reading this, thank you. Well, thank you and I’m kinda sorry, haha. I’m starting this blog at the advice of my counselor to help me deal with, well, life.

I’m 27 years old, but I’ll be turning 28 at the end of March. I live in Muskegon, Michigan and have been here since I was adopted from El Salvador in 1989. I was adopted by a woman whom was single, and remained single my entire life. My mom is one of most selfless, kind, compassionate people I’ve ever met; and I’m proud to be her daughter, and that my children get to call her Grandma.

I am a mother. I have three children – two girls and a boy. My oldest, Avila, turned 4 years old in January and has been diagnosed with Autism. My middle child is a girl named Iris, and she is nearly 2 and half but thinks she’s right up there with Avila. She is neuro-typical and not only wants to do everything her big sister does, she wants to do it better. So that will be an interesting dynamic once Iris surpasses Avila on skills and abilities. Lastly, there is Jensen. He is my 7 month old son and I cannot imagine my life without him. He is seriously the best baby I’ve ever met. He has slept through the night since, literally, the day he was born. But before you start getting too envious, just note that Avila has yet to sleep through the night; she’s always been worse-than-a-newborn in that respect.

Then there is Matt. Matt is the biological father of Iris and Jensen. We have been friends for about 6 or 7 years now, and going on our 4th year in a steady relationship. Technically, we are engaged and though I have every intention on spending the rest of my life with him, right now the official titles and all the pressure from those titles have sent me into a crazy whirlwind.

Which, sort of circles me back to the reason I’m even starting this blog. This blog is going to be about my journey to finding balance between “mother,” “girlfriend/fianc√©/wife/significant other,” “daughter,” “friend,” and simply, ME. Working with the various professionals with Avila and her Autism, keeping our household clean and organized, getting better self-help habits so my children don’t go through the hells I did – and still  do – with depression and anxiety. I’ve had a hysterectomy in November 2015 as well, so that’s a whole other can of worms to add into the equation. Plus, in addition to all of that we have the biggest-pain-in-the-ass dog I’ve ever met, a cat that thinks he is a kid, and two horses that we will be working on getting home once we purchase our first home on property.

So, if this seems like something you want to read for ideas, tips, you feel like helping me, or just want to read about someone else’s mess to make you feel better about yourself, then that’s all great by me. I hope I can use this as a way to make connections to all of the people that are dealing with similar issues, and really help each other in remembering we are not in any of our endeavors alone and that someone, somewhere, can help and wants to help. That’s why I’m here. Hope to hear from you all soon.